How do we move forward?

My road came to an unexpected halt on November 9, 2010.

That morning, I was bicycling to work when a garbage truck turned across a city bike lane. I was in that bike lane.

I was critically injured in the accident. A team of trauma surgeons saved my life, but they had to amputate my left leg. I had a long road ahead of me, physically and emotionally, yet I was grateful to be alive.

An ending can be a beginning too. I started over.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

Gradually I learned to walk again. So I began counting steps. Then miles.

Over time, that journey turned a corner. It became less about my own recovery and more about resilience -- the connection we all share.

Ten years later, I still take one step at a time. Yes, there are bumps in the road, but each step means rising to new challenges, adapting to change, and moving forward with hope.

Are you on your own journey?


Saturday, July 23, 2016


Mile Marker 4172:

Act III, Scene 1:  My friend Jen and I have just returned from dinner when my phone tings with a text from my sister Sam in Vermont.

"Heading to the hospital."

This is it.  Act III.

Sam is in labor with her third child.  When I visited them a few weeks ago for Independence Day, we decided I wouldn't come back when the baby was born.  Instead, I'd return later in the summer, once they were all settled in.

It made perfect sense at the time.  Now it makes no sense at all.

"I should be there,"  I tell Jen.  "I want to be there."  The urgency brings me close to tears.

"So buy an airline ticket,"  she says.

"It's not that simple."

It's hard to explain the burden of traveling as an amputee.  And tonight, that last minute idea seems beyond my capabilities.  Flying to Vermont is ridiculously expensive.  Plus, my leg is already throbbing with its usual evening ache.   I'm running out of energy.  How can I start packing now?  How can I go anywhere on such short notice?

"Call me if you need a ride to the airport," Jen says.

I stand in the hallway of my apartment.  Tired.  Powerless.  Too far away from where I need to be.

That's when I get an inexplicable surge of courage.

We're not in Act II anymore.

Act III, Scene 2:  Flashback.

Act I took place in March 2010 when my niece Riley was born.  Back then, I had two strong legs, no health problems, and no doubts about my own competence.  I fit comfortably into my role of big sister to Sam, bedside helper at the hospital, and of course, aunt to a brand new baby girl named Riley.

The intermission was not kind.  Eight months later, when I was hit by a truck, Sam got in her car and drove 400 miles from Vermont to Philadelphia with baby Riley in the backseat.  For the next 2 years, our lives centered around a very different hospital... and me.

When little Brennan showed up in Act II, it was a relief to celebrate such a happy occasion!  I still wasn't quite myself, but with the help of my parents and a wheelchair, I managed to make a cameo appearance.

(For the backstory on Acts I and II, click here.)

Now, Act III is unfolding -- fast!

Act III, Scene 3:  I hop around my bedroom on crutches.  It's nearly midnight, and I am grabbing t-shirts and shorts, a shrinker and pajamas, a couple of random socks.  I toss them all into my school backpack.

Balanced on one foot, I pull my "leg kit" from the closet.  It's already packed:  Albolene, AdaptSkin, Eucerin, Neosporin, Allen wrench, extra valve, extra socket padding, and alcohol spray.  Looks complete enough.  I'll add my Genium's charger in the morning.

My laptop screen illuminates the dim bedroom.  A plane ticket for the next morning hovers there, on the website for American Airlines.  It's waiting for me to click "continue."

I click it.

It's the most spontaneous thing I've done in 5 years.

Act III, Scene 4:  Four hours later in a Vermont delivery room, my tiny niece lets out a mighty wail.  She surprises everyone -- even the doctors!  It's 4:32 a.m.

Beautiful day for a new baby!
Meanwhile in Philly, I take a shower and push into my prosthesis.  Get dressed.  Fold up my crutches and grab my backpack.   At the airport, I join other sleepy travelers.

It is 7/17.  The baby weighs 7 lbs. 2 oz.  My flight leaves at 7:35 a.m. and I'm in seat 7D.  (That's a lot of sevens!)

Act III is a lucky place to be.

When the plane lands in Burlington, I hustle out and catch a taxi to the hospital.

Already, the improvements since Act II are palpable.  I walk confidently across the hospital lobby on my own two feet, not in a wheelchair pushed by my dad.  I'm back in my element, playing the role of independent, responsible big sister.  And, as an added bonus, it's a "good leg" day!

I ride the elevator to the 7th floor.  (Yes, another seven!)

"Hello?"  I stick my head into the doorway of Sam's room.

She's sitting up in bed, glasses on, hair pulled back, exhausted but so happy.  Her husband Gregg is in the chair next to her.  Both of them look up.  Surprise!  They weren't expecting me.

But there's an even better surprise...

In Gregg's arms is a precious package just 4 hours old.

Dylan Brooke

Her journey?
Much tougher than mine!
Gregg hands the baby to me -- all seven pounds of warmth, and fluttery eyelids, and chubby cheeks, and pouty pink lips.  I peek under her hat at the blonde peach fuzz, still damp and matted from birth.  She lets out a graceful, high-pitched sigh.

I've never felt prouder or more certain.  This moment -- and this little girl -- are worth every mile.

Act III, Scene 5:  Big sibs Riley and Brennan bounce in with my parents a short time later.  They're bubbling with curiosity.

"Today's the baby's birthday!"  Riley says.  "She's zero!"

In Act II, at age 2, Riley was as lost as I was.  Her whole world was shaken.  No one asked her if she was ready to play the part of "big sister."

Now, at 6 years old, she embraces that role with gusto.

"I want to hold the baby!" she proclaims.  We sit her in a chair with a pillow on her lap.  Four-year-old Brennan climbs up next to her, scuffling out a space for himself.  He's not quite sure what's going on, but he thinks he wants a piece of it too.

In Act III, a threesome is born!

Watch out world!

Nurses and doctors come and go.  My mom changes diapers.  My dad brings lunch and dinner.  Sam's friend Paula gives us a swaddling demo.

In the rocking chair, I cuddle "Baby Dyl" as long as I can.

I'm in LOVE -- all over again!

Finally, Gregg drives me back to the airport.  There's a 2 hour flight delay, so I sit in the gate area thinking about all the miles that led me here.  Although it feels kind of full-circle, Act III is really another new beginning.

When I finally line up for boarding, my phone tings again.  It's a photo and message from Sam:

"Heading home!"

Me too.  But I'll be back before you know it.

Turns out, I take the biggest steps for the smallest reasons of all.

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Independence Day

Mile Marker 4145:

Happy Belated Independence Day!

Remember that first walk to the mailbox?   It was only 2 blocks, but at the time, I'd been wearing my new prosthetic leg for only 2 months.

It happened exactly 5 years ago today!
Mile 7 was HUGE.

For most of us, independence grows naturally.   At age 12, I started babysitting.  At 13, I went to the mall with my friends.  At 16, I learned to drive.  I'm sure you've got your own mile markers.  We cruise forward, more and more independently, as the years fly by.

Until we don't.

You know how it happened for me.  At 41 years old, on an unexpected Tuesday morning, I became DEPENDENT all over again.  On everyone.  For everything.  I literally could not stand alone.

And I'm still rebuilding.

It's July 4th weekend, and I am barreling toward my sister's house in Vermont.  Mile 7 was big.  Mile 4145 is bigger.  It's the first time I've done this drive solo since my accident.

It's a trip I used to take at the drop of a hat.  My sister Sam would call -- "What are you doing this weekend?" she'd say -- and I'd throw clothes into a duffel bag.  Stick in some CDs.  Hop on the NJ Turnpike.  Head for Vermont.  Smooth as maple syrup.

Now, disaster lurks around every corner.  I worry about my car breaking down and being alone.  I worry about suffering a medical emergency.  (Of course, it would happen while my car breaks down and I'm alone!)  I've lost my independence before, and I know it could happen again, and again, and again.  Sometimes doubt gets the best of me.

Not this time.

As I'm driving north on the NJ Turnpike, an enormous wave of anxiety hits.  It feels like I'm hurling myself into outer space.

I knew this would happen, so I planned ahead.  One of my first lessons as a new amputee was how to break down large goals into smaller ones.  (Thank you, PTs!)

If you're in Danbury,
check out Rumors Café.
I did!
So I divided the trip into sections:
(1) To Danbury, Connecticut -- about 2 1/2 hours
(2)  To Brattleboro, Vermont -- about 3 more hours
(3) And finally to Barre, Vermont -- just 2 more hours!

I searched online to find comfortable places to take a break in each town.

That's it, I tell myself.  Just 3 short drives.  You can do that.

I put on an audiobook.  It absorbs my thoughts.  I hit all 3 destinations on schedule.

The plan works.  I'm in Vermont!

It's great to see my faraway family:  brother Steve, sister Sam, and brother-in-law Gregg.  Niece Riley and nephew Brennan are ecstatic.   They chatter over each other.  They want to tell me everything!  They pretend to tickle my "robot leg."  (I laugh once in a while just to throw them off.)   And they love selfies!

This one pretty much says it all!

The fireworks have come and gone, but that's ok.  Sam and I run out for last-minute groceries, and Gregg grills up a feast.

When we get ready to go in the pool, four-year-old Brennan offers up my swim leg, as if I might forget it.

Cutest assistant ever!

The next day Sam has several doctor's appointments so it's my turn to take care of the kids.  Yes, babysitting.  This is BIG.

Never mind that I've been watching kids since I was 12, and have been teaching more than 20 years.  What if I can't keep up with these two?  What if I sweat out of my socket?  What if someone gets hurt?  What if I have to carry somebody?

If independence had a membership fee, it would be paid for in What-Ifs.

Makeovers too!
I plan a thousand activities for Riley and Brennan: Go Fish, watercolor painting, cookie decorating, and lots more.

Gregg leaves 4 bottles of bubbles for us.

The pool and "swim leg" are ready too.

There's something you should know about Riley and Brennan. They don't slow down!

We do it all!

The day is a success.  So successful, in fact, that I don't think twice about the drive home.

Independence breeds more independence, I guess.

Eight hours stretches into 9 1/2.  Finally I reach the NJ Turnpike.  Southbound this time.

For some reason, I start thinking about our country's first Independence Day.  I imagine those colonists and Founding Fathers, and how they must have felt back in the 1770's when they made that decision.  Not the decision to form a democracy, but that crucial choice to go out on their own.  To cut ties with everything they knew.  The courage it took to put distance between their old lives and their new ones.  And the idea that it would somehow set them FREE.

It's a leap to compare that to my little trip, I know.

Still, when I finally pull into the parking lot of my building and drag all my luggage inside, it feels like an accomplishment.

Independence comes in many forms.

It's never too late to celebrate!