Happy 14th Walking Day!

Stepping into Mile 13,354...

Today marks 14 years since I took my first steps on a prosthetic leg!

You might not remember your first steps, but when you take them a second time around, you remember everything.

I can still hear prosthetist Tim telling me, "Small with the left.  Big with the right."  (Above-knee amputees tend to take an exaggerated step with their prosthetic side.)

I can still hear him say, "Great.  That was great."   (Those words filled me with hope and joy!)

On the night of February 11, 2011, my family and I crowded around the kitchen table to watch that grainy video a thousand times on my laptop!

I knew back then I would never take walking for granted.

It's still true. 

I walk around the block every morning.  
I walk the hospital corridors at work. 
I walk around the kitchen while I'm making dinner.  
I walk in the grocery store.  
I walk on sidewalks, and across streets, and (carefully) over cobblestones.  

The gift of walking never wears off.

But 13,354 miles -- and 14 years -- is a long way from that starting line.  By the time I realize today is "Walking Day," it's mid-afternoon and snow is on the way.

Ugh.  I don't walk in snow, even after 14 years.

So I head to the gym and hop on my favorite treadmill, which offers virtual "walks" in several countries.

No problem.  I'll walk in Singapore!

It's a beautiful walking day there.  Sun reflects off the buildings.  The trees are tropical green.  The path is paved and clean.  

In my earbuds, I turn on an episode of Deviate with Rolf Potts.  He's interviewing Rick Steves about his newest book, On the Hippie Trail, a journal of his 1970's trip from Istanbul to Kathmandu as a 23-year-old.

I'm walking with my two favorite travel writers!  What better way to celebrate the day?

Walking through Singapore reminds me of my friend and fellow writer Sameer, who lives there with his family.  I met Sameer at Rolf Potts's Paris Writing Workshop in 2023.  

And thinking about that trip to Paris reminds me how far I've come.

(That's Sameer on my right!)

When I took my first steps back in 2011, I thought I'd never travel again -- at least not like I did before the accident.

In a sense, that was true. 

I travel differently now, adapting in ways I couldn't yet imagine.

The path in Singapore curves through a shady area.   I walk past signposts, trash cans, spotlights, and call boxes while Rick Steves talks about depending on fellow travelers for directions and information.

 

Wayfinding. 

I don't know why that particular word comes to mind, but it seems especially meaningful today.

I think about my doctors, nurses, and rehab therapists.  Prosthetist Tim and his amazing team.

The friends, old and new, who've helped me march on.  My family who's there for me -- always.

They are my Wayfinders.  I'd be lost without them.

It's not the best "leg day," but it's not the worst either.  I wait to feel the familiar slip of my prosthetic socket, its rub on my skin, or the tiny leak of air that tells me my steps have expired.

I keep walking, longer than I usually do.  

Farther than I think I can. 

(Not that far.  But far for me!)

Finally, my right foot starts aching.  I want to keep going, but I have to stop.  I've learned, in 14 years, to listen to my body and respect its needs.

The path opens up to a harbor filled with bobbing, gleaming yachts.  I focus on that watery horizon.  

And press STOP.

Outside the gym, the first snowflakes swirl beneath the streetlights.  In my earbuds, Rick Steves reaches Kathmandu.  On the screen, Singapore disappears.

I stand there on the treadmill, catching my breath.  Grateful for all these steps.

I could go anywhere, I think.  Anywhere at all.

Happy Walking Day,

Rebecca

 

P.S.  You can read about past "Walking Days" at Mile 335, Mile 930, Mile 2,525  Mile 3,660 and here too!

Hope Walks In

 "We've got to get you walking again," Tim says.

And just like that, hope walks in.

Oh, how I've missed it!

After 2 months on crutches, I tried to get my prosthesis on.

The socket didn't fit.  At all.

Socket fit is finicky, I know.  I'd been struggling with it since my earliest miles as an amputee.   

Still, I'd been anticipating this moment -- easing my little leg gently into the prosthesis, standing on my own "two feet" again.  

Even if it wasn't quite perfect -- I knew it wouldn't be -- it would still be the first step to feeling like my old self.  (Well, my old "new" self anyway.)

When it didn't fit at all, I sat on the edge of my bed and cried.

Six days later -- somewhere around Mile 12,145 -- I arrive at Prosthetic Innovations. 

I crutch through the parking lot heavily, weighed down by all that has changed.

But Prosthetist Tim isn't deterred.  In fact, he seems happy to see me.  

I tell him about the fall, and how bruised my leg was afterward. 

"It probably looked like your shirt," he says.

I glance down at my tie-dye t-shirt, splotches of blue and purple and gold and green.  

Yep.  I laugh. 

It's good to be back.

Tim gets out his measuring tape and loops it around my leg.  

It's still swollen from the fall.  Or maybe its shape has just changed from the injury.  Whatever the cause, it measures 3 1/2 cm larger than it used to.  No wonder my prosthesis doesn't fit.

Tim brings out a pull-bag, a surefire method to get into an extra tight socket.  I slide it over my liner.  

We try again -- together -- to get my prosthesis on.

For a split second, I think it'll work.  (Things usually work here, even when they don't at home!)

But... Nope.

I feel the shadow of discouragement.

"We've got to get you walking again," Tim says.

And with those words, my insides light up. 

He has a plan.  

He'll make me a new socket.  Maybe temporary.  Maybe not.  One that will fit my leg now, not as it used to be.

The SOONER the BETTER, he says.

I am 100% in.

We go into the casting room.  

Wrap my leg in plastic.  

Don the funny shorts.  

Flashback to Mile 2,015.
They're always in style!

The drill is familiar -- and filled with hope.

The cast will become a mold for a test-socket, which'll be modified as many times as necessary until it captures the new shape of my residual limb.

I loved my old socket, with its soft magenta interior and butterfly on the side.  It had carried me through a lot.

But maybe letting it go -- at least for now -- is the ticket to move forward.

Socket fit is a multi-step, patience-draining, fine-tuning process.  

In my earliest miles with a prosthesis, my dad drove me back and forth to Prosthetic Innovations for fittings and adjustments.  

I always felt down beforehand.  

And up afterward.

It became a joke between us --

I didn't just get a leg adjustment. 

I got an attitude adjustment too.

Lucky for us,
they were buy one, get one free!

This time around I know what to expect.  

The journey back to "two feet" is not going to be simple.  It will likely be uncomfortable, maybe even painful at first.  I'll have to rebuild my strength and tolerance.  

It will require perseverance, flexibility, and adjustment -- in both leg and attitude. :)

Casting is just the first step.

But I know about first steps too.

And this one feels like a HOPEFUL start.

Walk on,

Rebecca

Walking Day 2023

My leg feels heavy this morning.

It happens sometimes. We had a winter warm-up these last few days, so I switched from boots to lighter shoes.  This morning, the temp dips back to 39.

And I'm in boots again.

They're heavy!

For an amputee, a little thing like changing shoes can make or break your day.  

It's simple physics:  when you lift a long prosthesis with a short lever (a.k.a. 10-inch residual limb), any additional weight can be challenging.

I'm an "experienced walker" now, so I try to roll with it.

Today marks 12 years since I took my first steps on a prosthesis.  Woo-hoo!

Here's the video of those steps back in February 2011.  

I called it Walking Day.

I used to take baby steps.  But it's been 12 years, so I guess now I walk like a "tween."  (This would explain my leg's moodiness!)

Some days I walk easily, almost like my old self.  
Other days, I can't walk at all.  
Most days fall somewhere in between.

For all the advances in medicine and technology, walking is an inexact science that depends on a thousand factors... 

muscle strength and skin,

efficiency and energy,
comfort and pain,

prosthetic fit,

priceless "leg time."

Still, it's good to get out there.

Movement, no matter how slow, usually empowers me.  Fresh air, no matter how cold, usually resets my mind.  

I don't have to go far or fast.

To notice small changes along the path.

A glimpse of sky,
no matter how small,
helps put problems in perspective.

Walking (or not) has helped me process life as an amputee.  It gives me a frame on which to hang "good leg days" and not-so-good ones.  

Over time, I've tried to get comfortable in both spaces.

This morning I heard a quote by Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping.  He said it more than 40 years ago to describe the phenomenon of China's gradual growth and expansion:

Crossing the river by feeling the stones.

Today, these words capture my journey. 

You'd think by now I could cross that river in leaps and bounds, my eyes steadily fixed on the other side.

But really, I still feel each stone.

I lean into the walk -- each walk -- with all its weight and varied terrain.

Even now, after 12 years, learning as I go.  

Happy Walking Day 2023!

Are You on Volume Two?

 Greetings from Mile Marker 10,960...

...where HOPE never gets old!

It's the season of cooler nights, fallen leaves, and vaccine boosters.

Flu shot?  Check.
Covid shot?  Check.

Not sure why, but I'm feeling especially hopeful this time around.  

It starts when the CVS pharmacist hands me a brand new Covid card.  There's no more space on my first one. 

Onward to VOLUME TWO!

For some reason, this triggers a good feeling.

A sense of legitimacy, 
and expertise, 
and entering the home stretch.

I accept the new card proudly, like a medal of honor.

This isn't my first rodeo.

Once upon a time -- before hospitals used electronic records like EPIC -- medical charts and test results were stored in giant hardcover binders.  (Yes, really!)

And some patients, like me, had so much information in theirs, they filled up more than one binder.

During my time as a patient, I earned not one, but TWO super-sized, mega-stuffed medical binders! 

Those two binders traveled with me wherever I went.  

To ultrasounds,
and x-rays,
and CT scans,
and surgeries...

Each time I left my hospital room, those two heavy binders were loaded onto the gurney with me.  Volume One and Volume Two. 

They creaked against the metal bedrails.  Tugged tightly at the sheets.  Rode shotgun at my left hip.  

Good thing I was small.  

And missing a leg. :)

I haven't thought about those binders in more than a decade.

But when the pharmacist hands me my 2nd vaccine card, I get a wave of deja-vu...

VOLUME TWO.  

It's nothing bad.  Sort of the opposite, really.

It feels familiar.  Symbolic.  Hopeful, even.

Like I've put in my time.

Like maybe these tentative, directionless, up-in-the-air years might finally be coming to a close. 

Like maybe, just maybe, a New Normal might come next.

A few miles later -- a.k.a. the next morning -- I force myself out of bed, despite feeling a bit achy from the vaccine.

It's minutes before sunrise.  The moon is high over Arch Street as Donna leads me on a new route.  It's still dark, so I didn't want to walk alone.

I'm determined to meet my long-time PT, Julie, for an early morning coffee.  Julie helped me recover from those volumes of care.  And today, by chance, she happens to be at Jefferson for an EPIC training.  (Kind of ironic, huh?)

As Donna and I cross Independence Mall, we catch this stunning view.

Volume Two looks promising so far!

Have you found a New Normal?
Are you on Volume Two... too?

Wishing everyone a HEALTHY and HOPEFUL season ahead!

I'm pretty sure we've earned it.

Walk on,
Rebecca

Note to Self

Mile Marker 6975:

Everything will be all right in the end.  
If it's not all right, it is not yet the end.

--Simit Patel, Hotel Manager,

 The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

I'd like to write a letter to that girl in the wheelchair.  

Follow Me to Austria!

Mile Marker 6625:

Ready for take-off...

It sounds surreal when I say I'll be competing for Team USA in the Paraclimbing World Championships, but it's happening!!

Here's some info if you want to play along...

Brick by Brick

Mile Marker 5,655:

When the going gets tough, the tough get small.

At least I do anyway.

On my morning walks -- which have been a struggle lately -- I focus on bricks.

Why bricks?

On A Good Leg Day

Mile Marker 4709:

On a good leg day, I walk through a metal detector at the Flyers Game.

It beeps, of course.  Dad glances at me; I glance at him.  No one else around seems to notice.  We keep going, and no one stops us.

We show our tickets to an attendant, step onto an escalator, and finally ascend a flight of stairs.  I suspect there's an elevator nearby, but today it doesn't matter.

It's a good leg day...

Bionic Babysitting

Mile Marker 4249:

Maya and Gavin are twins.  They're two months old.  They have two car seats.  And of course, there are two of them.

No matter how you count it, I'm outnumbered.