The Slow Down

T-minus 2 months...

I'm planning a trip.  

A real trip. 

It wasn't an easy decision.  It's been in the works since late December, and I've been thinking about it since way before that.

(No details yet.  From my very first steps, I learned not to jinx future plans!)

But today -- May 21st -- departure is exactly 2 months away.

So I've been "in training."

Walking more steps.  (Or trying!)

Eating more foods in more places.

And in an effort and to get both feet in working order...

Yep - the dreaded shoe shopping!

But earlier this week, all that training hits a wall.

At first, it feels like a good day.  I'm walking comfortably, full of energy.  

I'm out on the sidewalk. 
I'm at work.
I'm headed to an appointment.  

But as the afternoon wears on, my stomach gets tight.

Note to self:  This is always a sign I should slow down.  

Note to you:  I ignore the sign.  

It's good training, I tell myself instead.  Keep going.

(I'm a hopeless optimist, in case you haven't figured that out yet.)

That "seat belt" feeling across my abdomen intensifies as the evening goes on.  We've been here before, so I'll spare you the details. 

By 9 PM, I'm doubled over with all the hallmarks of a bowel obstruction.  

By 10 PM, I text my brother and friends to be on alert for a possible midnight trip to the ER.

(Not quite the trip I was training for.)

Eventually... 

Finally... 

Bit by bit... 
The symptoms subside.  

(Not quite peacefully, but at least manageably.) 

It leaves me drained.

I move through the rest of the week in slow motion, scaling back my training to the smallest tasks:

Make a to-do list while sitting on the balcony.

Test new shoes on the hardwood floor.
Do PT exercises on my bed.

It's productive in its own way, but my confidence has taken a hit.

How can I keep pace with travel when I can't even do it at home??

I've faced this question often in various forms.  

As much as I try to evade the "slow down," it seems to be an inevitable part of the process.

It's frustrating.  But it's part of who I am.

Yet another part of me (that hopelessly optimistic part!) craves a bigger, wider, more energetic and adventurous life.  

I wish the answer were as clear as a countdown,

or walking an extra mile,

or finding the perfect pair of shoes.

But what if it's not about keeping pace at all?  

What if it's about... accepting it?

Accepting my pace -- with all its setbacks, and speed ups, and slow downs.

Accepting that uncertainty -- owning it -- even as I wish and work to make things different.

Now there's something to train for!

May 21 is a good day (so far).  

My feet and digestion are bouncing back.  It's early to judge, but I'm hopeful.

Plus it's a Sunday.  So there's time to go slow.

To mark the day, I pop into our local French bakery ICI for a "training treat."

T-minus 2 months...

...and counting.