Walking Day 2023

My leg feels heavy this morning.

It happens sometimes. We had a winter warm-up these last few days, so I switched from boots to lighter shoes.  This morning, the temp dips back to 39.

And I'm in boots again.

They're heavy!

For an amputee, a little thing like changing shoes can make or break your day.  

It's simple physics:  when you lift a long prosthesis with a short lever (a.k.a. 10-inch residual limb), any additional weight can be challenging.

I'm an "experienced walker" now, so I try to roll with it.

Today marks 12 years since I took my first steps on a prosthesis.  Woo-hoo!

Here's the video of those steps back in February 2011.  

I called it Walking Day.

I used to take baby steps.  But it's been 12 years, so I guess now I walk like a "tween."  (This would explain my leg's moodiness!)

Some days I walk easily, almost like my old self.  
Other days, I can't walk at all.  
Most days fall somewhere in between.

For all the advances in medicine and technology, walking is an inexact science that depends on a thousand factors... 

muscle strength and skin,

efficiency and energy,
comfort and pain,

prosthetic fit,

priceless "leg time."

Still, it's good to get out there.

Movement, no matter how slow, usually empowers me.  Fresh air, no matter how cold, usually resets my mind.  

I don't have to go far or fast.

To notice small changes along the path.

A glimpse of sky,
no matter how small,
helps put problems in perspective.

Walking (or not) has helped me process life as an amputee.  It gives me a frame on which to hang "good leg days" and not-so-good ones.  

Over time, I've tried to get comfortable in both spaces.

This morning I heard a quote by Chinese leader Deng Xiaoping.  He said it more than 40 years ago to describe the phenomenon of China's gradual growth and expansion:

Crossing the river by feeling the stones.

Today, these words capture my journey. 

You'd think by now I could cross that river in leaps and bounds, my eyes steadily fixed on the other side.

But really, I still feel each stone.

I lean into the walk -- each walk -- with all its weight and varied terrain.

Even now, after 12 years, learning as I go.  

Happy Walking Day 2023!

Gluggavedur

Ever have a moment when you look out the window and everything feels right in the world?

In this case, it's a car window.
In a CVS parking lot.
With a surprisingly good sky.

Little known fact:  I often find good skies here.  

Another little known fact (or widely known if you live in the area):  That field below the sky?  It used to be densely forested land -- before an unexpected tornado swept through it in September 2021.

Maybe that's why the sky is so surprisingly good.

I learned a new word recently:  Gluggavedur

It's an Icelandic concept that translates to "window weather."  

Gluggavedur brings to mind cozy moments curled up by a warmly lit window, looking outside when you're grateful and happy to be inside.

I know, I know.  I'm sitting in a Prius.  In a parking lot.

Stay with me here.  

It's been a challenging couple of days.  My little leg's nerves are buzzing incessantly, and I've got a new skin irritation from the prosthetic socket.  Also, my digestive system seems to be on mid-winter break.  (These may or may not be related -- who really knows?)

Today, sitting is better than standing, so I've chosen to wait in the car while my mom runs into CVS pharmacy for a quick errand.  I've got a podcast playing on the radio and the seat heater is on.  It's not a bad gig.  

Plus, when I look out the window, there it is.  

That surprisingly good sky.

Gluggavedur.

When I came home from the hospital 12+ years ago, my parents came to this CVS to pick up my many prescriptions.  

When I could finally get around again, I accompanied them on crutches.

It was a big outing!

And later, when I started PT for prosthetic training, we came here again -- to this CVS -- to pick out a shiny brand new metallic blue cane.  

None of that is happening today.

No tornadoes.  
No medical emergencies.  
Nothing out of the ordinary at all.

Everything isn't right in the world.  Not even in my world.  I totally get that. 

And yet, in this one small moment...

Through this car window,

In this CVS parking lot,

With this surprisingly good sky,

It feels like everything is.

Nature, beauty, peace, gratitude. 

Gluggavedur. 

Climb Mount Fuji

My friend Kim is climbing Mount Fuji.

For real!

I'm following her journey as I recite the 9's times tables.

No, it's not a dream.  Although it definitely sounds like one.

On the same morning Kim starts her climb -- or more accurately the night after (It's 9:30 PM in Japan!) -- I start my usual walk around the block. 

It's cool and drizzly here in Philly.  The sidewalks are flat and mostly "hike-able," except for a construction zone or two.

And thankfully, the coffee is hot!

I have never been to Japan, except if you count 3rd grade.

We studied Japan that year.

Our classroom had a bulletin board displaying a mountain of blue-gray construction paper, surrounded by clouds.  In the sky above the scene, the board proclaimed:

CLIMB MT. FUJI

That was also the year we learned multiplication.

Each day, we took a one-minute speed quiz.  

First the 1's,
Then the 2's,
Then the 3's,
And so on...

As we "passed" each times table, our names would hike up a notch along the slope of Mt. Fuji.  Day after day, we raced our classmates toward the summit.  In those days, rote memorization (and healthy competition) were par for the course!

I climbed steadily till I hit the 9's. 

The 9's were my nemesis.

It's been years since I've thought about that challenge, but when Kim messages me from Japan, it all comes rushing back.  

For me, climbing Mount Fuji will forever be associated with the times tables.

It's like a short circuit, or a trapdoor of memory.  

Fun to jump through... but why??

In the unlikely event I ever DO climb Mount Fuji, I'm pretty sure I'll have other things on my mind.  You know... real, useful things.

Like sweat in my prosthetic liner.

Pressure points on my skin.
My prosthesis coming loose.

Stress on my right foot.

And trying not to fall.

But for now, this strange link is a fun diversion on an otherwise unremarkable day.  

It's a way keep up with my friends.  To travel, in space and time, without all the fuss!

No need to take time off.  
No packing necessary.  
No health issues to worry about at all.

So as I take my short walk, I imagine myself trudging up Mount Fuji alongside Kim in Japan.

9x5 = 45

9x6 = 54

9x7 = 63...

(Happy to report I now have the 9's down pat.)

Thanks for the inspo, Kim!

I'm right there with ya!

My Favorite Kind of Snow

...Is this kind.

The kind that settles lightly on car windshields, but leaves the sidewalks bare.  The kind that's soft and powdery, like the dust of sugar on cookies.  

Like someone decorated the city just for me.  (And maybe they did!)

GRACIAS :)

As a solo traveler and above-knee amputee, I'm especially cautious in the winter.  I fear snow, ice, wind, and all the hazards that come along with them.  

Really, anything could take me down.  

And, if I go down, my independence goes down with me.  (This gets complicated when you live on your own!)

Snow makes everything more difficult.  It lingers in the city, restricting my ability to run errands, step off curbs, and even park my car.

Long after it's clear enough for "most people," snow continues to confine me at home.

But not this kind!

Today the pavement is drying.  The puddles in the street are liquid, not ice.  

And bonus -- as I start down the sidewalk, a familiar voice calls out my name.

Running into Donna makes even the smallest walk BIG FUN.

Go Eagles!  Go Flyers!

Good vibes, Philly!

For me, this kind of snow is an unexpected win.

Remember This Moment

January 26, 2023.
5:02 PM.

This moment, I'll remember.

The first sign of more daylight,
later sunsets, and longer days to come!

It's the first time since late November that I notice the sky is still light when I get out of work.  

I head east as usual, driving the 14 city blocks home because (1) it's too far for me to walk, and (2) after working all day, my leg isn't predictable enough to take the bus.

I snap a photo so I'll remember this moment.

(No worries, Mom. I'm at a red light!)

This pic might be forgotten by the time I get home, buried 20,000 deep in the "recent photos" album on my phone, like so many others. 

So instead of just snapping it and moving on -- as I usually would -- I deliberately decide... 

To remember this moment.

It's January 26 -- the (many years') anniversary of my brother Mark's Bar Mitzvah.

It's 5:02 --

the number of my 2nd grade Brownie troop,
of which my mom was the leader. :)

Numbers often stick in my mind.  But even without them, it's not hard to engrave a moment in memory!  

Take a typical Sunday afternoon...

My parents and I are in the den watching New Amsterdam, Season 4, Episode 22.  (Yes, we're a little behind.)

In my hands is a mug of hot cinnamon spice tea, a gift from our friend Becca.  And I'm nibbling a piece of dark chocolate from my friend Cécile.  

My mom is curled up in the corner of the couch closest to the television.  She's eating a mini-scone that I baked a while ago, then froze, then defrosted.  

My dad is in his big recliner next to us, commenting back and forth with me on the unlikely scenarios of our show, while simultaneously watching the Flyers game on his Kindle.

I'll remember this moment too.

You don't always need a camera to make a moment memorable.

One of my favorite podcasts, By the Book, did an interview recently with Meik Wiking.  

He's the founder and CEO of the Happiness Research Institute in Denmark, and author of The Art of Making Memories and The Little Book of Hygge. 

In the interview, he talks about this exact thing -- how to turn ordinary moments into memories we won't forget, simply by noticing them. 

And how that can make us happy.  

Even on a very small scale.

If -- like me -- you're on a journey that often stays within 14 blocks of home, it's a good skill to take along!

What will you remember?

P.S.  When "real travel" isn't possible, I often escape into podcasts and books. If you're interested, you can listen to the By the Book interview here or learn more about Meik Wiking's books here.

Cookie Bar

When you see a sign like this, you just have to go in!

I mean, right??

An errand this week takes me to Doylestown.  It's ridiculously far from the city, so once I'm there, I have to at least take a little stroll.

That's when I see the Cookie Bar.  

I take in the vibrant mural, the sky blue shutters, and the little white building that houses this delicious idea.  My mind goes wild with the potential of it all.

What is a Cookie Bar?
Is it a bar that serves cookies?
Or a design-your-own-cookie assembly line?

I imagine a bartender in a baker's cap, a rainbow-tiled bar top, and of course, an array of "top shelf" milks and syrups that would line the wall behind it.

But wait, maybe it's not that kind of bar at all...

Maybe it's like a salad bar -- for cookies!  Yes, that makes more sense!!

Just picture it.  

A self-serve counter lined with neat scoops of cookie dough.  Chips, candy, nuts, and berries in bright little bowls.  And at the end of the bar, the pièce de résistance: a bake-your-own-cookie machine -- a cross between an Easy Bake Oven and that "conveyer belt toaster thingy" at the Comfort Inn! 

I'd be fine either way.  With a Cookie Bar, you can't go wrong!

Finally I venture inside and...

Well... there are cookies.  And they are cut into bars.  There are some regular ones too, just freshly made.  They look good. They smell good.

I take a few home to try.  My dad samples one, and he likes it. 

Yet I can't help feeling a tad let down.  

It's a good bakery.  I'm glad I didn't pass it by.

It just couldn't quite compete with all the hype... in my head. :)

Years ago, my cousin Brett and my friend Kym would talk together about starting a business.  

An IDEA business.

They'd start a company whose sole purpose was to produce ideas for other people.  (I believe they were planning to sell them, but they never got that far!)

As they talked about it, their inventory of ideas grew.  Creativity is contagious.  I was excited just listening to them!

Brett and Kym aren't here anymore.  I miss them both -- and their energy.

And I think of them in moments like this.

They would have loved the idea of a Cookie Bar!

So... 

If you agree, I've got an offer for you:

One idea.  A Cookie Bar.  Re-imagine it as you will.

I have enough on my plate.  

Go ahead.  Run with it.

You can have it for FREE.

Got Vision?

Yesterday our amputee support group created "vision boards" for 2023.  

Of course, I had to overthink mine.  (This goes without saying.)

So I carted the pieces home in a Ziploc bag.  

And later, over a mug of dark cocoa from Brazil -- thanks to my traveling friend Monica! -- I trimmed, and arranged, and almost glued them down.  

But not quite.

Even today I'm not yet ready to commit.  Every time I step away from the board, I come up with a new idea.

I have TOO MUCH vision.  There are so many paths I want to follow.  So many things I want to do!

There are have-to-do's.
And want-to-do's.
And can't-wait-to-do's....

I consider myself lucky.  This is good problem to have.  It means my health is okay.  It means I have support and all my basic needs are met.

My board is still a work in progress, but when I zoom out to view it on a yearly scale, I'm awed by the designs that emerge.  

Themes. Words. Images.
Hopes and dreams.  
Priorities and patterns.

I work to pin them down in a way that's motivating, harmonizing, and inclusive of all the things I love.  To create a picture that's inspiring, but also...maybe...possible??

Uh-oh.
Where do I put the pieces that won't fit?

Time and energy are precious resources for all of us, but especially for those with health issues or disability.

Each day I wake up hopeful that I'll find balance between the have-to-do's and want-to-do's.  I try to pace myself and take steps toward those can't-wait-to-do's and "big picture" goals.

This year will wear me down, I know.

But right now -- in January -- the vision shines brightest.

I look forward to gluing down the pieces, but I think it's the process of creating them I love most of all.

What's your vision for 2023??

Acts of Resilience

Even from bed, I can hear that the streets are wet.

My apartment is cozy.  My socks are dry.  And (eventually) I'm dressed for work.

My phone says 100% chance of rain.  

I don't want to get soaked, so I decide it's too wet to walk.

There's always a tiny sense of failure in this decision.  While I want to stay dry, I know my leg will fit better -- and my body will FEEL better -- if I get out there.

To walk or not to walk??  

Final test:  I peer down from the living room window at the cars driving by below.

Wipers are... OFF!

Walk is ON!

Superhero boots?  Check.

Long raincoat?  Check.

Umbrella?  Check.  (Awkward to carry, but good to have just in case!)  

Truth -- By the time I reach the sidewalk, it isn't raining much at all.  It's not even that puddle-y.

And the best surprise:  I'm not the only one out!

Mike the artist sits on his usual bench with a big red umbrella.  Friends Richard, John and Carol are at their regular perch in the window of Starbucks.  (I knock and wave as I pass.  We see each other everyday!)

I've been thinking lately about acts of resistance and rebellion.  How, by pushing my own limits, I seem to push back on society's idea of what it means to be "disabled" -- or "able."

Morning miles are one example.  On a very tiny scale.

For an above-knee amputee, walking takes 60-100% more energy than it does for a person with 2 legs.  That means by the end (or even the middle) of the day, I might not have enough left in the tank.

But at 7 AM?  I'm game!

On the way back, the message in this shop window catches my eye.  And I realize what I'm doing isn't quite an act of resistance -- or rebellion.

It's an act of RESILIENCE.

We all need a few short minutes each day to fill our superhero boots -- and take on the world.

These are mine.